Monday, February 12, 2007

Edward Kerwin, National Leadership Award Receipient, (One Catch Though)

I received a phone message from Eva Willis of the NRCC, National Republican Congressional Committee, and Rep. Tom Cole informing me that I had been awarded the NRCC's National Leadership Award. Naturally I was a little skeptical. I have not been an active leader in any local Republican causes in the last year. Further, I have not been active in any communitty activities that did not involve my kids in some way.

Needless to say, my interest was piqued.

First things first. Google Tom Cole.

Rep. Cole is the Republican Congressman from the 4th District of Oklahoma. His websight shows a picture of him talking to local fireman about what the federal government can do for first responders. Maybe they got my name from a volunteer fireman database. That would be unlikely but possible. Further investigation is warranted.

It turns out Rep. Cole has been named chairman fo the NRCC. He is probably just looking for money.

Still, maybe they just have the wrong Edward Kerwin. Maybe they want this Edward Kerwin . I have been confused for this Edward Kerwin, Tax Assessor before. Most recently, the New Jersey Law Journal was interested in Ed's take on the New Jersey Pension system and his good fortune.

I decided that if Ed L. Kerwin was the proper reciepient of the award I should let the NRCC know that they have the wrong guy. So I called Eva back at (877) 213-0603. A man answered for the NRCC and I asked for Eva. He informed me she was not available. I stated that I was returning her call about my award. This got his attention. I was promptly referred to an automatic message from Rep. Cole explaining why I, Edward Kerwin had been chosen to recieve this award. Needless to say, I was wondering the exact same thing myself.

Rep. Cole explained to me that small businesses are the backbone of this country, and I, as a small business leader was appreciated by the Republican Party. Nancy Pelosi and her Democratic comrades were only looking to me and other small businesses to finance liberal projects without any care of the impact on small businesses. (I may be paraphrasing, I was not prepared to record the conversation, I took as good a notes as I could while laughing out loud. )

When Tom was finished, I feel at this point I can call him Tom, heck, I am the winner of the NRCC National Leadership Award, I should be able to call him anything I want. I digress.

When Tom was finished a lovely woman picked up the phone to explain in more detail what I was going to receive as part of this award. I was promised a suitable plaque to proudly display in my office to show my workers how I support the President and his policies. I would get a fine wooden gavel for my desk. (The better to hit my co-workers who are not impressed by the plaque) I would be invited to the President's dinner in Washington where I would be able to voice my opinions on the problems impacting small business. (I tend to believe the Invite was not a freebie, just a guess, but the invite would be forthcoming. ) I would be named an Honorary Chairman of the Small Business Leadership Committee. That almost clinched the deal, really, it was getting tempting. Finally, my name would be placed in the upcoming full page ads being placed in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times showing how much the Republicans support small business and explaining how poorly the Democrats will handle things now that they have control of Congress. Who could possibly say no to this offer?Truth be told, I only stayed on the line this long to hear the punchline. While this has nothing to do with my winning the award, the NRCC was asking me to help finance the ad purchase in the major national papers. That is right, for a mere $500.00 I could help the NRCC spread the word of their support of small business, and the NRCC was certain my name would carry a lot of weight in the communitty and would I be willing to send the money in two easy payments.

I felt it was time to end the Charade. I informed them I was not the Edward Kerwin they wanted. Surely they had the wrong guy. But no, I am the Edward Kerwin from Tinton Falls, NJ, who works at 4000 Rt 66, whose number they had called. Yes, I was the Edward Kerwin they wanted. I really had won the National Leadership Award. What should I do? Isn't it rude to say no? Should I renounce my membership in the Democratic Party for the glory that is the NRCC National Leadership Award? Tom was very nice in the recording, Eva left a lovely message, the woman whose name I forgot was awfully convincing. I was torn.

But then, I thought of this.

I told her I was a Registered Democrat and asked to be taken out of the database and put on the "Do not call list".
My chance at glory and I let it slip by.
Mission Accomplished.


Blogger John Shotter said...

Ah yes... the "Chimpy McFlightsuit" failsafe.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I got the same phone call - weirdly, the message was left on my husband's business line, which shouldn't be associated with my name *anywhere*. I found your blog (and several others) when I googled the number. I'm a lifelong Dem and adamantly, publicly, anti-Bush. Hearing my name and Repugnican in the same sentence made me a little nauseated. I guess I'll give 'em a call on Monday and spew some venom.

8:38 AM  
Blogger rukrusher said...

7:24 PM  
Blogger Leigh said...

That Eva is a one busy lady! My friend in Raleigh NC got the same message from her.
You can buy that gavel/plaque combo at Things Remembered in the mall for $17.99, but I guess paying $500 makes it enviably more fancy.
Thanks for spreading the word!

8:03 AM  

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